January 17, 2007

The Doors

Even after hundreds of millions of years, I still find myself confused. I am still looking for change. Another door has opened and another one has closed, and I still can't let go of the last one. Just can't forget what I dreamt was outside that door. A whole new world I would never be able to feel now that another door has taken it's place. And by the time, I can see what is outside the new one, and much before I move to enter it, it will close on me. Like the ones before it, and like the ones after it. The world is moving ahead everyday, and I'm sitting here, staring at my doors, praying that I choose the right one. Not that it really matters to me. I could say this is the perfect search for perfection, but I know it isn't. The world is moving ahead, a door at a time, and I'm struggling to make that first move. Waiting to see the light outside. Maybe it's just another room like this one. Maybe it's a beach all for myself. But I like it here too, and I really want to go there too.

I switch on the TV, and I see people trying to sell me stuff. But they are really not people, just something which makes noise and replaces the need for real people to be standing there. And if I want to get any of the things that I see there, there would be nobody to help me get it. I will call up and talk to a call center guy, who's struggling through life, working at nights, and knows shit about what I am really looking for.

I call up old friends, and they are all struggling too. They seem to know the answers, they open each door as if it were their last. And they walk right in, without emotion. But sometimes, you can feel the emptiness inside them too. Your voice echoes back to you when you talk to them. I am sure they feel that with me too. It's like a million people talking to each other, and hearing their own voice, amplified by the vast hollows inside other men.

I switch on some music, move to the song that thought I used to love the most, and I can't feel the rhythm. It's like somebody walked inside one of my doors and stole it, right under my eyes, while I was busy dreaming about the door, which closed on me. Now even the music echoes inside. And it keeps getting louder. And I keep shrinking. Maybe I should realize that my choice wasn't good enough for myself. Do I need somebody else to pick my music for me. Like I chose somebody else to tell me what to do with my life. Like I asked somebody else to decide how to talk to the strangers I meet, how to act when in front of them. Like I gave somebody else the right to run my life, and chose to be the slave. Why did I do it? I do not know, ask him who asked me to do it. Or ask him who asked him. We are all just sheep maybe.

It's like a giant conspiracy to hide the hollowness inside ourselves. The most successful ones are the ones who are the most hollow, because when you talk to them, and you voice does not come out, and you believe it's because they don't share your vices, but then suddenly you realize you were wrong, the voice comes back later, much later, much louder, and you are thrown to the ground, broken into pieces, like the shiny new glass you dropped, when you were drunk.

It is a pity that most of us believe in the world our eyes show us.

It is just a story, like in a movie, and you will be out of it one day. And nobody would remember the sad part. Nobody would remember the dirt. All they will know, is the greatness of your glorified life, not the hollowness within your souls.

And while I write, I realize that another door is closing, and nobody seems to replace it. The older ones are cracking and the cold wind is blowing inside the rooms. I can now even absorb the light inside my heart. And I'm shrinking, under the power of my own will. And I will keep shrinking till I explode. And when that day comes, I will see the light.

I know I will, because I have been there before.

January 15, 2007

Who am I?

I'm not a fucking IT Professional, I'm a Software Engineer. Maybe even an entrepreneur soon.

January 08, 2007

Saddam Hussain

I rooted for Saddam when Iraq was invaded. And I still don't feel I was wrong. Show me another man, who is any better.
BBC: Iraq

A New Constitution

The government wants to draw up a new constitution before democracy can be restored, and a special drafting committee is now in place, which should mean the constitution is ready in about six month's time
How long before India gets to a situation like that.

BBC : Thailand

January 02, 2007

Betting on CAT Results

It is that time of the year again, when the institute which churns out super efficient managers, call some more people to join their race. And not surprisingly, they seemed to have extended the deadlines without prior notice. After all, the IIM's have been troubled to no end this year by changing reform policies and what not. And this is their chance to get back at the people.

But I have other plans. For in every problem there is an opportunity.

Starting next year, I plan to start up a website, call something like www.betthecat.com. The idea would be to charge everybody Rs 10, and let them guess the exact time at which the CAT results would be out. I am working on the business plan, so that I can convince the venture capitalist.

Now, the costumer base is close to 2 lakhs. And if you add in say a large number of parents, and teachers, and institutes, the final base should be close to double that. Since it would cost just rupees ten to get involved, I am sure, at least half of them would bet on it. More so, because in that one week, there is nothing more interesting that people like to do. In schools and offices across India, people are talking about the same thing.

So our expenses would be something like this.
Buy domain name - Rs 500
Buy hosting service - Rs 5000
Building the website - Rs 0 ( I'm usually out of work, so I guess I can make it )
Fixing up with Paypal - Rs 5000

After that all that would remain, is to find out the exact time at which the results came out on the website. That might be possible by c0nverting the website to a RSS feed and noting the time when the results section is added to the website.

Now, assuming a lakh people are intereted in paying ten bucks, we could raise Rs 10 lakh in a single week or so. Add to that the income from advertising. Google adwords would allow us to get in $500 ( or Rs 25,000) and institutes which advertise, would allow us to raise another 5 lakhs.

The final balance sheet would look something like this
Expenses - Rs 10,500
Income - Rs 15,25,000

Profit - Rs 15, 14,500

With profit margins like that, I could give out prizes worth Rs 5 lakhs.

Now, about 1,00,000 people are participating. In the one week, people can choose from 10,080 minutes to find the correct value. So on an average 10 people would bet on any given minute value. Assuming the number of people who bet on the right minute is 10 times the average, we could give out prizes close to Rs 5000 for each of the 100 winners.

So, all in all, Rs 5000 if you guessed the correct time at which the results come out, on paying just Rs 10. Would you be interseted...

The Good Year

I started the new year by getting drunk and getting rid of old baggage, both literally and hyperbolically. It wasn't exactly the best I could hope for, but there are times when you challenge everything you think you are, and there is nothing you can do about it. History keeps repeating itself, and you keep failing to learn your lessons.

But all is not lost. The battle will go on as long as we're alive, and we will never be able to see the final score. In the meantime, there is more to drink, more baggage to collect, and more to learn.

Wishing all of you, a sanguine new year.