April 24, 2006

About Assholes and Ordering Wine

Waiterrant has an intersting article on how to order wine without looking like an asshole. Now I'm no connoisseur and all that I know about wines could be written on a grain of rice besides I'd choose the worst beer over the best of wines. So these wine related issues don't really concern me but now it's good to know if the other guy is faking. (I hate the wine sipping morons anyways. We're Indian, not french, who has wine with dinner anyways?) What follows is a list of things you really shouldn't do:

I appreciate the artistry that goes into making wine and I respect people who have a good grasp of Oenology. However, since most people are dopes when it comes to ordering wine, I’ve assembled a list of tips to help you not look like a putz. It’s not an exhaustive list. (It’s not a knowledgeable list for that matter either. I’m sure the wine snobs are going to rip it apart.) It’s just a list of observations I’ve made over the years.

Most customers swirl the wine around in the glass to oxygenate or “open it up.” That’s fine. But SWIRL the wine! Don’t spin it like you’re trying to separate U-235 in a centrifuge machine!

Then they stop, smell, spin it again, stop, smell, spin, stop, smell, spin etc. After a few minutes they finally taste it and I have several new grey hairs. Maybe I can see that for 1975 Bordeaux. But for a $25 bottle you can pick up in the grocery store for $6? Please. You’re showing off.

The list is quite long and exhaustive, and there are like a million comments which follow. That should keep you covered till you can leave office today.