March 17, 2006

The Lost Chance

And he knew it was the end of his life. He had no reason to live anymore, he had found his emotions taking over, his mind became blurred. And so he got up and moved to the door. But first, he checked her, she was still asleep, sound asleep. He started dragging the big wooden chair slowly through the dining room to the kitchen. The sound was slow but persistant, but he was careful enough not to disturb her. He tried lifting it, to hide the noise, but it was just too heavy, and he cursed himself for not moving it there earlier. The sounds would have disappeared into the day like he was going to disappear into the night. Finally, somehow he managed to move the noisy chair to the kitchen. The goal was very close now, and there was no room for error and there was definitely no time to be scared.

He stood up on the chair, and then climbed slowly on to the shelf. The bottle was in the closet above. He had calculated each move with perfection for days, he had run it over hundreds of time in his head. A few tablets was all that he needed. He had seen it on TV, the ultimate source of knowledge for people his age, and he was sure that it was going to work. He stood up on his toes but the bottle was still a little far away. He tried as hard as he could, but he could barely touch it, it had been very nicely hidden, like she knew he'd do it. But in the heat of the moment, he let go of his plan, and made the big mistake. He jumped. But the very moment that he went up, he learned the truth, that he was going to fall, and the bottle, that very bottle was going to break, and his carefully sculpted plan, was going to fail, and besides Mom was going to be very angry.

Five minutes later, he was crying like a six year old. Probably, because he was a six year old. Mum came running, scared, and took him to Dad, who checked and said to her relief that he wouldn't even need a plaster. The next morning he realized that even the bottle was wrong. He had gone there last night, to find rat poison and kill himself, while he had come out crying with a bottle of Bournvita.

They say there's a time for everything, and probably that wasn't the time for him to die.